In my previous article, I regret to say that I called the HomePod an “unloveable robot cantaloupe”. This was beneath me, and I apologise.

Here is a list of things I should have considered using instead.

• irredeemable bucket of blandness
• dollop of mediocity-cream
• space-choad of sadness
• toilet-roll from 2036
• Chad
• technological turd in the punch-bowl
• digital nugget of wombat-shit
• upturned Donkey-Kong barrel of disappointment
• fart in a lunchbox
• Becky with the Beige Hair
• regrettable mind-vurp
• bucket of spew wrapped in a sock
• Vader-themed KFC family bucket (black version only)
• Skywalker-themed KFC family bucket (beige version only)
• Marc-Newson for Xenomorph Collection Facehugger Egg
• Son of Zune

Again, I apologise and will try to do better in the future.